A child who was describing the difference between Jews, Protestants and Catholics said, 'They are all just different ways of voting for God.'

At a Highland funeral one of the mourners, who was slightly the worse for wear, fell into the grave on top of the coffin. When they got him out, they discovered he had broken his leg. The local paper in reporting the incident said, 'Unfortunately this accident cast an atmosphere of gloom over the proceedings.'

'It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely, and remember that I am the Pope.' (Pope John XXIII)

A minister who had called upon the congregation to bow their heads in prayer was interrupted by a young voice asking excitedly, 'What are we looking for?'

Billy Graham once said that  'A Christian should so live that he would not be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.'